Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
