"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation