He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic