dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
