I could make wine with my vomit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
