and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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