After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
