Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
