oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
