Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
