i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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