I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
