I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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