The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You're like the curious george of whores
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
