I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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