It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk is a universal language darling
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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