I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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