im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
