Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't put those talents on a resume
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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