so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
