My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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