She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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