What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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