He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
