you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize