I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She needs sedatives and a leash
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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