Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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