The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
