my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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