Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
