What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
