What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
