Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
