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I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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