Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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