I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize