My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
