i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
