I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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