sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
