There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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