He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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