Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Welp...herpes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
