Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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