When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
