toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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