Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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