I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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