At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is wine microwaveable?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
