So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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