dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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