why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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