WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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