We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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