True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
