I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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