Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
