Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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