You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
