I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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