If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need a burrito and a hug.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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