I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
