i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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