Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
